


"Can I stay?"

by DameMond



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, How does a Heart Work: a book by Axel, Implied Soriku, M/M, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, a bit of crying, a lot of hugging, pining Axel, so beware spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 12:54:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17940083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DameMond/pseuds/DameMond
Summary: A simple question, yet it means so much. Axel is terrified.





	"Can I stay?"

**Author's Note:**

> /boops I’m back in my akuroku bullshit with a pining, slightly pained Axel that knows how feelings work, he’s just a disaster with them. As always I specify Roxas is 17, Axel is 20. #still no beta so we still die like fools and I drag you all down with me
> 
> Enjoy the sugar!

_What a fucking mess._

Those are Axel’s first thoughts as they finally arrive to the Mysterious Tower, tired, dusty and dirty, getting off the gummi ship in thoughts of getting a well-deserved rest after all that _mess_. Xehanort is _gone_. The war is _over_. He figures he should be fistbumping the air and screaming in joy, talking his friends’ ears off, but apart from feeling all sorts of drained out, Axel ponders if maybe the whole situation hasn’t fully sunk yet. Maybe that’s the reason why.

He scans his companions as they look willing to kiss the floor out of relief: Terra is almost limping as Aqua and Ventus help him walk over to the Tower, looking exhausted and as if they could sleep for days ( _no offense, Ven_ ) but relieved nonetheless. Xion follows close behind them and Axel doesn’t miss how she’s eyeing Ventus curiously, probably still wondering _who_ looks like _who_. _Who was first, the chicken or the egg? Ven or Roxas?_ Axel snickers at the thought and covers it with a cough. He’ll have to tell her later on.

Riku looks as dead serious as he’s ever been. Axel doesn’t blame him, his most important person and his childhood friend are gone for Light knows how long when they should be celebrating the hard-earned peace. It wasn’t fair. Axel spares Sora and Kairi a thought, because they better come back soon _or else_ they’re in for the earful of the century and he’d get in line behind Riku to deliver it. He also thinks to give one to Isa, once he finds him, because he _will_.

Then his eyes stop on Roxas and there’s a painful grip in his chest, breath catching in his throat: blue eyes are staring back at him, piercing his soul and sending shivers through his body and Axel feels as if Roxas can see _everything._ Every time he’s cried for him; every time he’s sat on their place, alone, holding three bars of ice cream and letting them melt as he stared into the sunset, wanting to reach out for the golden light that reminded him of his locks and make it _his_ and answer him when he called Roxas’ name, telling him that it was okay, that it _would_ be okay, that he knew Axel was trying and would _never_ give up until he was back.

He just smiles at Roxas, scratching the back of his head, body language screaming _don’t worry about it_. Axel doesn’t want to dwell on that too much or he’s pretty sure he’ll start crying again and it’s something he’d rather not let Roxas see. His heart is already a mess and he still has to get used to _feelings_.

But he knows Roxas isn’t stupid, he’s perceptive and none gives him enough credit for that. The young man walks towards Axel, extending his hand as he approaches and Axel’s hand reaches out on its own. Roxas is like a magnet, like a warm light while Axel has been in the darkness for too long, lost and calling him out, fighting to bring his light back until his body gave up in a burst of flames and the only thing left of him were _ashes, smoke and tears_. He can’t help his hand tightening around Roxas’ but when his hand squeezes back, silently pulling him with the rest of the group inside the giant building, the redhead feels his new heart _soar_.

It’s adorable, really, that Roxas is slightly short for his age and Axel is slightly taller than the average. Axel can’t help but wonder if Roxas curses the height difference when they’re just physically three years apart. He should probably drop his boots with heels at some point if he doesn’t want to be called a _fucking tree._ Roxas squeezes his hand again, pulling him out of his dream-like state once more. Axel can’t help the apologetic smile and lets himself being dragged upstairs to the Wizard's desk behind the rest.

While they all talk to Yen Sid, delivering the news, Roxas doesn’t let go.

* * *

 

But he lets go later on as night approaches, tinting the sky with pinks and purples and they can almost feel the weight of their bones, the dryness in their faces from the tears and the emotional baggage pulling their bodies down. They’re all so tired, dusty and ready to drop on the wooden floor of any room they can find, but still they feel somewhat content. There’s no need for words, or maybe none wants to talk, not yet.

Axel sees Ventus flash him a soft smile, which he mirrors back as the blond takes a room for himself after having spoken softly to Terra and Aqua. Axel knows it’s not his business, but there’s still concern as he sees him disappear. A part of Axel quips at him that maybe Riku isn’t the only one that lost someone at the graveyard today. He lets Aqua and Terra pass into another room, together. He doesn’t question it, but doesn’t miss the soft and adoring smile Terra gives Aqua until the door closes and shields them from the world. Axel slides a bit away, feeling like he’s intruding even if he’s not. He doesn’t know why he’s standing in the hallway, anyways. Roxas had left the room behind Xion a bit ago when they were dismissed, prompted to rest by Yen Sid and was probably fast asleep by now with Xion, that or they were still talking. He doesn’t have the heart ( _hah)_ to ask for him to stay close. They’ll have their moments, just not yet. ( _And it hurts. But keep your dear heart quiet._ )

Riku passes by and almost goes unnoticed, which worries the shit out of Axel. The young man isn’t exactly small and easy to miss, but the way he clings to the wall, hunched while internally mulling in whatever ( _Sora_ ) makes him look about to slip through any crack.

Without knowing what to say, Axel gently gives Riku’s shoulder a squeeze, because they’ve been in a similar position before, except now Riku can do nothing more but wait. Back, he’d always had some instructions to guide him, something that pushed him and dangled Sora’s safety in front of him like a prize, and Riku would tear the world apart to get it. And he did. He tore Axel’s world apart by taking Roxas away.

Except Axel kind of understood before, and he still does. To lose your most beloved is to lose a part of your heart and Riku’s heart was screaming, even if he hid it well.

Riku startles at the sudden touch, but gives Axel an appreciative nod before patting his arm and walking away. Right now he doesn’t want company, he doesn’t want an ear to listen; he wants to sleep and wake up and see Sora and Kairi back with him. Axel doesn’t have to be a mind reader to hear his thoughts. Riku disappears behind a corner and the last thing Axel hears before the deafening silence of the tower takes over is the door creaking closed.

There’s nothing more left and Axel spins on his heels and searches for a room to sleep in the floor above. Or below. He never understood the damn stairs of this place.

* * *

 

Yet the Universe is one funny _bitch_ and won’t let him rest.

Axel’s so tired. He feels it. He _knows_ it. His eyes close on their own but his heart is so loud and fast and just _won’t shut up_ , his body rolls on its own but nothing works. Nothing relaxes him and he sits up and lets out a growl in frustration. The sky is deep dark by now, decorated with twinkling stars he’s sure he’d enjoy gazing any other day, but not tonight. He’s been probably rolling for hours, unable to shove down the heart in his throat and now he’s tired and grumpy. If he doesn’t sleep it’ll be worse, so he settles for going for a walk to relax and come back later.

Axel gets out of bed, tank top and pajama pants be damned ( _no, I don’t sleep in the coat– are you serious?_ ), unceremoniously opens the door while wincing at the creak and tiptoes downstairs. They’re all too knocked out to care about the noise, he figures, but he doesn’t want to be the one to test the limits of it.

Except they’re not, or at least one of them isn’t. Axel stops dead in his tracks when he sees a black and yellow blur disappearing behind a corner of the hallway and he whispers without thinking “Roxas?”

Blond hair pops back into view from the corner again, apparently having heard him and familiar blue eyes meet his green. It’s Roxas without a doubt. Mainly because he still has the _damn coat_ on. Axel would be laughing if he actually wasn’t shocked. ( _Shocked of what? He’s back, Axel, back for real. You aren’t dreaming. You’ll see him a lot so stop. freaking. out)_

“Hey Axel, what’s wrong?” Roxas whispers back, approaching him. Without his boots Axel appreciates that he’s actually more levelled to Roxas’ height. He clears his throat.

“Couldn’t sleep. You?”

Roxas smiles, looking sleepy but relaxed. Apparently. Axel is sure he also looks very calm. “I was about to.” He then pivots on his heels and Axel stays there, dumbfounded at the abrupt stop of their convo until he sees Roxas gesturing at him to follow. So he does. Why? He needs to relax, he knows the damn fact. Being near Roxas makes him nervous, but it’s like Roxas shuts every single one of his rational brain functions off and he decides to stay close anyways.

Roxas opens the door and gestures inside. Axel peeks before tiptoeing behind. He hears Roxas snickering as he closes the door and glances at him with a raised brow.

“There’s none here. Xion got her own room and I stayed with her until she fell asleep.” Axel opens his mouth to ask, because he feels like he’s about to take Xion’s comfort away by wanting so desperately to ask Roxas to stay close to him, but Roxas shakes his head, plopping onto the bed. It protests under his weight with a soft creak, like everything else in this tower, apparently. “She’ll be fine, don’t worry. She sleeps like a log and we’ll have a lot of time for sleepovers.”

His gaze stops on Axel, who’s still at the door, standing still as a statue but with his heart thundering in his ears as if there was a storm inside the damn room. Roxas just stares back, suddenly looking unsure. Axel doesn’t like the look and forces himself to get his shit together for the sake of both of them, and voices the question he’s wanted to say since he stepped foot into the room.

“Can I stay?”

A simple question, yet it means so much. Axel is terrified of opening so much to Roxas, to _anyone,_ but his heart yearns for it. It means _I can’t sleep if you’re not near. Once I became human again I already missed you being close. I can’t get ahold of myself. My heart is going crazy, it’s pulling towards you and it’s pissing me off that I can’t control it. I think it’s because you do instead._ He doesn’t want Roxas to freak out, doesn’t want to scare his ~~beloved~~ best friend away by giving him his heart right away, even if it’s ready to leap out of his chest towards the other young man and sit and purr on his lap like a damn meowow.

Roxas lets out what seems to be a sigh of relief _(what?_ ) and nods, a bit more vigorously than Axel was expecting, but he doesn’t dwell too much on it. He’ll cling to what he has at the moment, then mull later. He watches as Roxas slides under the covers, coat and all, and then crawls behind him at his side. It’s a smaller bed than the one he had before and Axel has to curl on himself a bit to fit in because he’s too tall, but Roxas adjusts and soon Axel finds himself curled with Roxas buried against his chest, covers, coat and arms keeping both of them warm. The smell of leather reaches his nose, but it doesn’t bother him; instead is his heart, _again_ , beating so hard he’s sure he’s going to bust a rib. Roxas’ arms tighten around Axel’s waist ( _when did they get there?)_ and give him a squeeze.

“Your heart. It’s loud,” Roxas mumbles, muffled against his chest, and Axel can’t help but laugh, making light of the situation. He thinks of joking with something like “want me to turn it off and throw it away?” but his mind, for once, stops him before he says something stupid. Axel’s sure if his mind could grow a physical arm and smack him, it would have.

“Sorry,” he apologizes, rubbing Roxas’ back briefly. It comes natural to him. “Hearts can be a little noisy. Guess mine fits my personality.”

Roxas stays quiet for a few seconds, filled by Axel’s heart in his ears. Axel is about to backtrack, making more light of the situation, but Roxas beats him with a soft murmur. “I like it. It talks for you when you can’t find the words.”

That shuts Axel up.

He stares down at the blond in his arms, feeling his body fill with something akin to adoration at the sight, drowning down any anxiousness crawling up his back about Roxas _knowing_ \- ( _knowing what? That you lo–)_

Roxas wriggles to look up at him, staring back. Their faces are so close, Axel can count the barely visible freckles on his nose and admire the most beautiful bluest of blues looking at him. The blond pulls Axel’s arm away from him, grabbing his hand instead and places it atop of his own chest, pulling the chains of his coat away.

Axel’s eyes widen a bit as he swallows a sudden lump in his throat. Even over the thick leather coat, he can feel Roxas’ heart beating almost as strongly as his.

Roxas is right. It talks for him. It’s all he needs.

His hand travels up to Roxas’ face, which makes the blonde squawk in surprise and presses a kiss on his forehead, then down to his lips, hands lingering on his cheeks as he presses with his thumbs. Axel doesn’t miss Roxas’ eyes closing, how he clumsily tries to mold his lips against his as a big shy smile breaks across his face, mirroring the one Axel is growing himself when they break apart. It’s short, not intense nor hungry, but they’ll have time for that, Axel thinks.

His heart is still incredibly loud, but Roxas doesn’t seem to care as he nuzzles his face into the redhead’s chest and settles there, like a cat on his favourite warm spot. Axel’s breath slowly calms down, finally allowing him to relax as he takes in Roxas’ scent despite the strong leather smell. Light, he wants to burn the fucking coat so badly.

Slowly but surely, his heart begins to beat at a more steady and quiet rhythm. His thumbs have been caressing the back of Roxas’ head all this time while he notices Roxas is lazily rubbing circles on his back, slower and slower each time as he falls into unconsciousness.

“It’s more quiet now,” Roxas whispers, to which Axel hums in response.

“Yeah. It’s been driving me nuts all night. Guess it missed you.” Roxas’ shoulders shake when he chuckles and Axel presses his lips against his temple, making Roxas go completely lax in his arms.

“I think it just wanted to talk to me as much as mine wanted to talk to you.” Silence. Then, quieter, Roxas adds: “I missed you, Axel.”

His heart jumps to his throat, warmth prickling at his eyes with a familiar feeling ( _don’t cry. For the love of everything, do not cry)_

And Axel squeezes Roxas with all he has, hoping the way his heart becomes louder is enough to tell Roxas everything. “I missed you too,” he croaks, and it’s too late: the tears trail from his eyes onto their pillow. He probably looks desperate, needy, like a lost child. Axel doesn't care at the moment. He wants Roxas to know. He _needs_ him to know.

So he squeezes the blond harder against him, arms shaking and sobs coming out uncontrollably, and he almost wails when he feels Roxas squeezing back almost as hard. “I–I missed you so much, Rox, so so so fucking much–”

“I know,” Roxas whispers back just as broken and probably crying, too, Axel can’t tell because Roxas is pressing his face against his chest so hard it actually hurts, but Axel would rather die than pull away. “I know. Your heart told me so.”

They cry into each other’s arms until their hearts are satisfied and Axel can’t help but kiss Roxas’ tears away. He hates them on him. Crying doesn’t suit Roxas. He’s sure his face is also a big wet mess, but he closes his eyes and gives in to Roxas drying with his sleeve and kissing the trails dry in return, fear of Roxas seeing him raw open already discarded through the window. All that remains in Axel’s eyes is adoration as he looks at the blond in his arms.

Blue eyes stare back with so much affection Axel feels he can melt on the bed, but settles for another kiss and gently pulling each other close again to try and rest. It’s unspoken, between them, that they’ll have all the time in the world to grow, understand, talk and love.

They fall asleep holding each other as close as they can, hearts settled and beating quietly, as if gently murmuring to each other.

* * *

 

They’re barely awake in the morning when Xion gently knocks, calling for Roxas. Axel panics, fully awake, almost considering jumping off the window or hiding under the bed, but Roxas’ hand is firm on his shoulder as he prompts Xion to come in. Whatever Axel was fearing ( _to be seen so open–not now, not yet)_ fades away as Xion grees him and Roxas with a smile, plopping down and ruffling their hair, getting an undignified whine out of Roxas and a squawk out of Axel. She snickers, blue eyes twinkling mischievously.

“Breakfast will be ready soon, so don’t be late if you want to eat something. I think Ventus is exceptionally hungry,” she starts walking out of the door, but then stops to look back at Roxas. “Did you find what you were looking for last night?”

Axel frowns, looking at Roxas as he smiles sheepishly at Axel, then at Xion as he waves it off.

“Yeah, I’m good. Don’t worry about it.”

He has the question ready in his mouth when Xion leaves, poking Roxas in his arm. He's sure he has way more than he's letting on now. “What were you looking for?”

Roxas grins at him.

“A heart to heart.”

**Author's Note:**

> Didja get who Ventus is missing? Me too, buddy, me too.
> 
> Man these two rotted my teeth. I like having Axel being over emotional a lot while Roxas helps him. They'll take turns, worry not.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
